EDD and Me

November begins my 5th month of unemployment benefits and while I've heard it's the 6th month that most people begin to experience depression, fatigue and hopelessness, I must say I am still eagerly facing each day with the same hope the waning brontosaurus population faced living amongst the faster, two footed reptiles. Yes, any day now, my countless hours of library work will pay off and the perfect not-too-technical job will reveal itself in which i spend my day surrounded by books and eager young children delighting in my knowledge. Until then, I frequent the EDD office to meet with my job counselor whoose cubby displays upbeat posters of soft focused waterfalls and steep cliffs,while encouraging me in comforting script to 'hold fast to my dreams'. I leave most visits there with no new leads, to puruse the lobby for job announcemnt and avoid the bathroom sounds of another umeployed person taking a full-on bath in the only sink.
Sure, I've had some interviews, faced a panel of interviewers who took turns asking me pre-printed questions while the others sat and stared at my profile and probably noticed my overbite and frequent use of the word 'um'. The questions they ask are usually provided to me as if to calm and prepare me. Most of the questions are in essay format and as long as 4 paragraphs and go something like:
Describe how in your last postion, you served your employer by either providing outstanding customer service or at least reduced your carbon footprint while implementing cost-cutting paperless documentation for the regional office and it's subsidiaries in Europe and what approach you took in not directly staring at the lobby receptionists' inappropriate motor-cycling riding husbands' photos pasted on her screensaver depicting him in assless chaps and a crushed beer can?]
No, I'm still feeling optimist and as the job industry experts all recommend, I read regularly and following my morning routine of getting up early, wearing some makeup, watching 30 minutes of Bonanza or similar show depicting teamwork and/or someone in a worst circumstance, surfing the web for a used exercise bike, and then spending the rest of the day snacking on chocolate raisins or ranch flavored Doritos.
It's important to know how to write a cover letter that screams out key words that don't sound cliche-ish and desperate such as , "I beg you", "Can I drive by your office", or "Thank you for considering me though hiring me would be better before my benefits run out and I face starvation and run out of facial concealer". No, better to leave those kind of interview-killing statements out of a winning letter. Stick to what's direct and honest, sell yourself, repeat statements someone gave you that made you feel good about the job you did at work even if it means revealing the name of the greasy HR director who slurks around and tries to embrace women he 'catches doing a great job!"
November is a hopeful month, full of things to be thankful for and while you dont' describe yourself as one to network or use Facebook or Linkdin, surely someone out there who still uses an Olympia typewriter will receive your resume any day now and call you for that perfect job packaging dog collars for Dollar Tree.